‘The Squashbuckler Diaries’ are the daily tales of Joy Shelley’s Life in the Dream. The ‘Lost in Dreams’ books will tell the story of what happens to her at ages 6, 9, 12, 15, and so on. The diaries tell us what happens before, after, and between the books.

#143: The Tale of the Evil Forest Fairy King

My Dragon Little was four and a few months old, when her father helped tuck her in. It was the first time in a month or so that he had been able to do so. Over the last month, he had been appearing much later in the day and disappearing in the middle of an adventure almost every day. 

But this time the adventure had ended, the villain had been led to the Infinite Prison in the belly of Bonny’s Revenge, and Dragon Father had time to help Dragon Little go to bed. 

“Dad, tell me about the time I peed on the Fairy Forest King.”

“What? That again?” My sharp dragon eyes could see him smile through the window of Dragon Little’s cabin. 

This was a retelling of something that had happened when Dragon Little was only 2 years old, something I myself have told you before as well. Ever since, Dragon Little would enjoy the retelling of that story. And every time he retold it, Dragon Father would add more detail to the story. 

“All right. Lie back down. So there we were… You were two years old. We were in the fairy forest. The fairies army had us cornered in a dangerous part of the forest. There were rocks to our left, rocks to our right, a massive boulder behind us, and the fairies were advancing towards us. 

“They knew they had us cornered,” he continued, his voice growing slow and more intense. “So they stopped and called the Fairy King. 

“You know, Joy, he didn’t want something we’d stolen from him. He didn’t want something we possessed. He wanted… revenge!”

Dragon Little held his hand, which rested on her stomach, and giggled. 

“I know what he wanted! He wanted me!”

“That’s right! He knew that if he took you away from me, that would hurt me so much! And he wanted to hurt me back, for what we did to him soon after you were born.”

“Yeah… So what did you do?”

“I was ready to fight. I had my sword out! I had my laser pistol out! But I didn’t see a way out! Not that day! And then…” 

“And then…!”

“And then…”

“And then I had to pee!”

“Yes! You told me you had to pee! So I knew you were my secret weapon. I told the Evil Fairy Forest King: ‘Stop! All right! I give up! You can have her!’”

Dragon Little laughed. 

“And you gave me to him?” 

“Yes. I did. I told you it’s all okay, and I took off your diaper - you had diapers back then - and I lifted you up and gave you to the king.”

Dragon Little squeaked. “And then….?” 

“And then… he held you in his arms… and…”

“And…?”

“And you peed on him!” 

Dragon Little’s laughter exploded. “I peed on him!”

“Just like that… in an arc… into his face!”

“Into his face!”

“He shouted and screamed, and I was able to use that to defeat most of the fairies before he put you down and was ready to fight. But by then, it was too late! He was defeated, and you and I took him to the Infinite Prison, where he resides to this day.” 

Dragon Little laughed and laughed. “Tell me again! Tell me again!”

“All right. Way back when, when you were two years old…” 

And Dragon Father told that story twice more before Dragon Little began to yawn. He sat next to her, until she fell asleep. And then, as always, he disappeared.

—Told by The Red Dragon

Watch how I came up with the idea for this post!


#144: Baby Joy

#142: Climbing the Mast, Pt. 2: The Flickering World