‘The Squashbuckler Diaries’ are the daily tales of Joy Shelley’s Life in the Dream. The ‘Lost in Dreams’ books will tell the story of what happens to her at ages 6, 9, 12, 15, and so on. The diaries tell us what happens before, after, and between the books.

#96: The Snot Eater, Part 3

The Snot Eater had taken Dragon Little. He had grabbed her with his huge fist while Dragon Father wasn’t looking

His fist closed around her, completely engulfing her. My sharp dragon ears could hear her shout even from my hiding place kilometers high in the sky. But Dragon Father had human ears, and he was too busy trying to get all the green snot the monster had smeared on him. So he did not hear her. 

By the time he looked around, the Snot Monster had sunk back in the ocean and swam ever deeper. 

I could hear her breathing. The air within the Snot Eater’s fist must have protected her. 

Soon, they reached the Snot Eater’s home. 

A few minutes ago there was nothing there in the ocean, and now the Snot Eater’s home stood on the ocean ground as if it had always been there. That is the way of the Dream. Dragon Father, the dreamer, decides subconsciously on a dream, and a world is formed around it. This one was no doubt inspired by Dragon Little eating her own snot

The Snot Eater’s home was within a bubble of air. I could hardly pierce the ocean’s murkiness with my eyes, but I heard them pass through water and into air as the quality of sound changed. I heard him put Dragon Little down.  

“You’d better put me right back, Snot Eater!” I heard Dragon Little say indignantly and without fright. “Or my father will come and get you! He’s the greatest squashbuckler who ever lived!” 

Her voice carried itself through the water and into the air. It was dim, almost inaudible to my ears, but I was able to just discern it. 

“Your father,” the Snot Eater hissed, “is disgusted by snot. But we know better, right? We can be friends.”


“We know it is the tastiest food on the planet, don’t we?” 


“Here. Take some of mine. It is the best!”

“Arrr… I only like mine, thank you.”

“May I taste some of yours?” 

“Ahh… Sure.”

“Mmmmm… It is not as good as mine. Look, look what I made for you!” 

There were sounds of things being moved around, things being opened and closed. “Look, a special candy, just for you. It’s a gum made out of snot. Here. Try it. It is the best!”

“If you’re trying to poison me, my daddy will--”

“Bah, it isn’t poison, it’s candy! Here, I’ll take one, too! Come on! Your daddy will never know. Come on!”

I could not hear a response and could not hear what happened, but soon there was chewing. And then I heard Dragon Little’s voice: “Ugh! Ach! My teeth are stuck together!” 

“Oh, no! The snot is too thick?”

“My teeth are stuck together!” I heard her talk through clenched teeth. 

And then the ground rumbled. I heard them both fall. 

“What is happening?!” the Snot Eater exclaimed. 

“I told you,” I heard her say confidently, through slightly less clenched teeth. “Daddy’s coming to rescue me.” 

I will tell you more about the rescue tomorrow. 

—Told by the Red Dragon

#97: The Snot Eater, Part 4: The Tsunami

#95: The Snot Eater, Part 2