‘The Squashbuckler Diaries’ are the daily tales of Joy Shelley’s Life in the Dream. The ‘Lost in Dreams’ books will tell the story of what happens to her at ages 6, 9, 12, 15, and so on. The diaries tell us what happens before, after, and between the books.

#123: Gonna Wash That Wand Right out of Your Hair

“There’s a magical wand in your hair!”

Dragon Father had finally decided that enough was enough, and that Dragon Little’s hair had to get a good wash, shampoo, and combed. It’s been weeks since Dragon Little’s hair has touched water, since Dragon Father trusted her when she said she did it. Now that he forced her to do it, he dug out a wand out of her hair. 

Dragon Little looked at the wand in surprise. 

“Are you serious?” Dragon Father couldn’t believe it. “Are you serious? We looked for her wand for two hours! Without it she had to step down from power!”

Dragon Little made an innocent face and shrugged. 

“What else am I going to find in there? Holllly cow!” He took out a gold coin.

He showed the coin to Dragon Little. “We found that treasure a week ago. A week ago! How long have you not washed your hair?!”

Dragon Little shrugged again. “Oops?”

“Oops, huh?”

He continued to wash her hair with more vigor. “Seriously. I mean, seriously,” he muttered to himself in disbelief. “How could you not notice there’s a freakish, heavy gold coin in your--Whaaaaaa….”

“What?”

“Ich. My hand just touched something slimy. Did you… What do you have in there? How could you possibly have something more in there? Where is it?” 

He dug into the back of her hair, searching. “It’s not gum, is it?”

“What’s gum.”

He muttered to himself again, “Good thing there’s no gum on a pirate--Whaaaaaaaaa! Yuck!”

He grabbed something. Then, slowly, he pulled it out. “Yuck-yuck-yuck-yuck-yuck-yuckkkkkkk!”

“What, what is it?”

He pulled all of it out, disgust on his face. “There was a small squid living in your hair!”

She opened her eyes wide. “Ahh…”

“A squid! Living in your hair!” His voice reached a pitch higher than I have ever heard it. “How-how-how-how did you not notice?”

Dragon Little, eyes wider than usual showing innocence, shook her head. 

“When was the last time you were even in the water?! Two weeks ago?! Three weeks?! There was an animal living in your hair for three weeks!”

“Oops?”

Dragon Father put his face in his cupped hands. “Oh my god,” he sighed. “That’s it. From this point on, you will wash your hair EVERY DAY! Doesn’t matter if you’re in prison or caught by an evil overlord! You will wash your hair EVERY DAY!”

Dragon Little frowned. 

Dragon Father shook his finger at her. “That’s not going to work on me. Forget it. Every day. AND! We will go back to putting your hair in a ponytail again. Every. Day! Got it!”

Dragon Little looked down. 

“I’m not asking. You’re doing it. Got it?”

She nodded. “Got it.”

—Told by The Red Dragon

#124: The Earth Is Round, Part 1: The Ship on the Horizon

#122: The Genie in the Lamp, Part 5